Leading up to the wedding took lots of vendor outreach, meetings, planning, Pinterest posts, seeking advice from others to piece together a budget conscious, enjoyable, true to us wedding to celebrate our dedication of sharing in this life together for as long as our foreseeable future allows (and hopefully beyond). Cheers to the next chapter in our life together, as a certified married couple. I juggled wrapping up graduate school while also trying to "project manage" our wedding to dot i's and cross t's for our "big day", maintain the budget, and rope my husband-to-be into as many decisions and discussions as possible (which with his busy work schedule was hard to do at times...). The closer we got to the wedding, the more confident I was that my hard work paid off and we wouldn't have too many surprises at the wedding (which was sort of true), and the closer the day came the more frequently the words "we should have eloped!" came out of both our mouths... Ultimately, while there were some headaches, there were some amazing things, some surprises, and lots and lots of dancing and love come wedding day that made me grateful that we did it.
The Lead-Up
We had the wherewithal to take the entire week of the wedding off from work (THANK GOODNESS!!!) so that we had time to finalize and fully prepare together. What I've learned is that you will take all of whatever amount of time you give yourself to plan your wedding - be it two years or six weeks. There were little "DIY" needs that came up, so many Amazon Prime boxes scattered our home, I felt pressure to lose as much weight as possible (stupid wedding pressure fyi.. All people are gorgeous on their wedding day regardless of size!), there were lots of pressures to accommodate the ideas from others of what they thought we needed to do... So it was nice to have time together to prepare and make sure we didn't lose ourselves in the process.
We had mailed save the dates in lieu of holiday cards to those who were on our guaranteed invite list. My uncle who is an artist helped with designing our cute save the dates that were great. One guest list challenge was that our total guest list had crept up to around 150 headcount, but our budget was really capped at 100 attendees, and the indoor contingency space for "in the event of poor weather" (which is always a real possibility in Colorado) was only large enough for 85 guests seated. Plus in considering us and our feelings, we both wanted a smaller wedding. We took time to determine the closest people to us in our lives (who knew us both) that we would most want to have with us on our wedding day, then all other invites were secondary. This method unfortunately did cause some heartache (when some of those who didn't receive save the dates found out...)... But we wanted to be very mindful of our headcount and hoped people would understand. I've known people who have invited lots of guests under the assurance that "approximately 30% don't actually come", who then are surprised when everyone RSVPs "yes".... so we didn't want to take any chances. We tried a "roll-out" system with our formal invites (these cute "concert ticket" type invites I found on Etsy), sending more out as RSVPs came in... While good in theory, not good in practice because there are unfortunately many people who don't return invites timely. A lesson to all those who are invited to weddings: please do the couple a favor by RSVPing as soon as you get the invite, put their postage to use so that you're not wasting their money, and if you at last minute can't make it to the wedding, regardless of reason, please be sure to communicate this as it is costly to have last-minute no-shows. And my sincere apologies to any couple who I have not upheld this courtesy with...
But I digress...
Invites had gone out after my graduation in the spring, and through the summer we were calculating RSVPs, regularly emailing and meeting with most of our vendors to be on the same page, met with our respective parties and the officiants to get "ducks in a row". Things were looking really good overall, with also time to celebrate with our bachelor/bachelorette/bridal shower parties. The week of the wedding included picking up our marriage license, packing, cleaning house, meeting with our day-of coordinator (Amber with Moody Blue Events - aka Best Wedding Decision Ever Made!), making final music selections, and all those last minute final touches.
I did have one particular issue during the week-of lead-up. One of my bridesmaids backed out. When I had initially asked her to be part of the wedding party (roughly a year in advance...) she seemed incredibly thrilled to be asked, said repeatedly what an honor it was, etc. The closer we got to the wedding though, the more of a flake she was... She backed out of every wedding related event leading up to our big day, and always for (I felt) lame reasons and last minute. She was implying with her actions that she wasn't invested in me as a friend. She wasn't dependable even to the point that my mother finally asked: "Do you think she'll show up for the wedding?" I felt at such a loss, this woman had been a friend of mine since freshman year of high school. She always told me I was like a sister to her, one of the most important people in her life. I think there has been some influence due to her current boyfriend that I think play into in her going from a dependable friend to a total flake, but... Regardless, I felt disrespected by her and that she wasn't empathetic or understanding as to the significant hurt she was causing me. To add insult, she frequently posts her whereabouts on social media. So the weekend before the wedding I was well aware that she was out drinking/bar hopping with her boyfriend, but suddenly the Monday before the wedding she posted on Facebook: "I haven't been this sick in a long time." As someone who has been significantly sick in the past, I empathize, but in this case I was also suspicious. She didn't reach out to me directly what-so-ever. So, Tuesday (two days before the wedding) I reached out to her. And there it was. What I had been dreading and hoped would never come. She literally called out sick to the wedding. And with what? A common head cold. There are certain illnesses that warrant staying home, but a head cold? I was so hurt. Literally to the core... how could she do this to me? Betrayal, loss, and frustration all flooded into me (especially when day-of she tagged herself on Facebook out at a bar with her boyfriend and his mother celebrating something, and the following weekend she spent the entire time at the Great American Beer Fest - so... too sick to come to my wedding as a bridesmaid but not sick enough to miss out on drinking with her boyfriend). I was devastated, but also tried to be realistic and just push past it. I reached out to my maid of honor and mother to let them know what happened.
I must preface, that my mother is one of seven and they are all very close, so ultimately when one knows something they pretty much all do. It can be a wonderful thing, especially in times like this. About a week prior to the wedding, my younger cousin decided that she was going to attend the wedding and flew in from Seattle. She was staying with my aunt when my aunt heard that my friend had bailed on the wedding. My clever aunt asked my cousin what she brought to wear to the wedding. Surprisingly, and unintentionally, she had brought a navy blue, cocktail length dress, which was the exact type of dress I had instructed my bridesmaids to get. I had an available extra bridesmaid necklace that had a morganite stone in it, my cousin's middle name is Morgan. We had already ordered the bouquet, I had a gift to give at the rehearsal luncheon, all the pieces were already in place for another bridesmaid, in that moment it seemed only natural to determine a replacement. It was like universal powers aligned. So I reached out to my cousin and asked if she would take place as the seventh bridesmaid in my lineup, and she agreed. What a lovely, unexpected relief! And reiteration of how family can show up for one another. I am so blessed with such a supportive and loving family.
I feel so humbled and grateful for the truly magnificent people who did show up and support us on this most significant day in our lives. And especially the amazing women in my bridal party to include my three sisters, my sister-in-law, our niece, one of my best friends, and my cousin.
I told my fiance, "Honestly if this is the worst of it, I think we're going to have a great day."
Rehearsal
Wednesday came and we met with everyone in Fort Collins for our rehearsal luncheon with the wedding party as a casual affair in a park, then went up to the venue for our rehearsal. Our venue: The Mishawaka, host of a beautiful backdrop on the Poudre River, a great casual restaurant and music venue tucked in the canyon west of Fort Collins by about 30-minutes drive. Affordable and a perfect setting for a musician and his concert-going, CD mix making wife. Gary, the event coordinator of the venue, was easy to work with, flexible, reasonable with prices and gave straight-forward answers to questions that helped make our day a huge success. (Needless to say, I highly highly highly recommend the Mish as a unique wedding venue in Colorado!) We got to be fairly minimalistic with our decorations since the Mish had great decor already, which was nice. Though our rentals company proved to be hardest to work with, we still had everything we needed day of. We stuck with a more "rustic" look for our overall decor/feel. We made vinyl record bowls and filled them with candy, guitar picks, and a CD of specific songs from our wedding as a unique gift to our guests. We had a drum cymbal for our guest book to be signed as well as a communal painting for people to paint. We requested donations to Maxfund Animal Shelter in lieu of wedding gifts, and set up some small baskets of stuffed dogs to give as gifts to the kids in attendance as something to play with but also to promote the Maxfund. We had beautiful and simple floral arrangements from Jordan's Flowers that were just the right accent, and absolutely gorgeous. For desserts we offered a spread of cupcakes and a small cutting cake from the Cupcake Gypsies that were all delicious and gluten free!
After the rehearsal, we got together with folks who were in town for drinks at Tap & Handle. It was a wonderful day getting to pre-celebrate with many lovely friends and family.
I also had made arrangements to stay at a VRBO house for the night before the wedding, keeping the tradition that the bride and groom don't see each other before the wedding and as a way to have members of my bridal party stay together and have a space for getting ready day-of. I got to bunk with my childhood friend, Dana, and it was such a wonderful blast from the past to have a bit of a "slumber party" where we laughed and talked all night long. She gave me a set of charms that had powerful good intentions put into it from friends of hers when she was having her children. She said it brought her comfort during the most significant times in her life (the birth of both her kids), and that she wanted me to have all that positivity and good energy with me during a significant time in my life. I was so moved... this dear loving beautiful woman, who I've been through so much with over the years, is and will always be a significant person in my life. And how fun to laugh together into the wee hours of the morning, like we did back many years ago as kids.
Wedding Day
The morning of the wedding came, I sipped on coffee and tried to connect with myself considering it hadn't really sunk in the significance that I was about to marry my beloved. I had a makeup artist (Chaundra who is a doll!) and hair stylists come to the house that morning to help with getting everyone ready. I realized I had forgotten earrings all together, but that didn't matter when my mother gave me my great aunt Pat's pearls to wear which felt so special and brought me to tears (Pat died just a couple years ago). I got all gussied up, and then was driven with my mother and our two officiants up into the canyon to get married.
One thing about the canyon that we hadn't fully considered........... there's little to no cell reception and zero Wifi. So when there are issues that arise, there's no way to communicate with others. So I got to the venue and was greeted by Amber who informed me that our photographer had car troubles that morning and was running late (like a couple hours late), but we didn't know what her ETA was or anything, with no way to get in touch with her, and I had no way to get in touch with the rest of the wedding party or with Chris. We had already communicated the night before to everyone (wedding party, parents, etc) to meet at our 1st Look location at 2pm so that Chris and I could share in our moment together, and then we could take portraits with everyone for about an hour+ before we absolutely had to be at the venue for "go time" at 4pm. This seemed like a great arrangement to get some of those photos out of the way instead of doing them during the cocktail hour so that we could enjoy libations with people. Well... things don't always go according to plan...
All I could do was get into my dress and try not to freak out! I had a burning desire to smoke a lot of cigarettes (though I quit smoking many years ago), and needed a stiff drink! Thankfully the best man had my back on the latter one - a swig of whiskey helped! We waited patiently, me trying not to be seen by others, many of our wedding party unfortunately not getting relayed the message that the photographer was late... I felt horrible and anxious all around.
But finally she found us, Chris and I did our first look over a bridge that was perfect and exchanged vows privately, and then we got at least some portraits. I'm sad there are so many photos we didn't get that were on the list we had given the photographer in advance.... I don't have a picture of me with my bridal party getting ready together (even if it would have been posed...), I don't have a full-length portrait of just me in my wedding dress, I don't have a picture of me with my flower girl (Dana's daughter), I don't have a picture of me with each of my bridesmaids individually, and there are several important families we didn't get pictures of us with... though some did happen, and I'm grateful for what pictures we did get.... I think the photographer was so flustered, and I was flustered, there was so much happening, I didn't know what to communicate and she kept saying "what do you want next?" which was a problem since my brain was so distracted and all over the place... and with the timeframe being what it was... We did what we could, got what photos we did, it was what it was. Regardless, I felt so much relief having been able to see Chris and share our written vows to each other privately.
It was in some of the lead up that we discovered a few things when it came to our vows... for one I use way more words than Chris when describing feelings, for two Chris being an introvert makes that vulnerability in front of others awkward feeling for him, and for three there were some guests we invited out of obligation who were in attendance who I haven't met before and therefore wouldn't feel comfortable sharing those intimate vows in front of. Our officiants helped us with the idea that exchanging vows privately would take some of that pressure off. Amazing suggestion, thank you Alexis and Meg!
And thank God for the shot of whiskey from our best man (thanks Kiley!), and the cigarette I later bummed from one of the groomsmen (thanks Jon!). So many things helped to cut down on our levels of pressure and stress for our day, be it healthy coping skills or less healthy... all was needed and welcomed on this joyous day.
There were lots of things that came to realization at "show-time" such as not having the groomsmen in a similar line-up as the bridesmaids for walking down the aisle (I had the ladies go two at a time whereas the men went one at a time vs how I had envisioned), difficulty at the start of my entrance that there wasn't enough space for me to walk with my parents down the aisle without tripping on my dress, etc. But who cares. Going down the aisle to meet with my husband was the most meaningful moment of my day.
We had a beautiful ceremony, followed by a tasty dinner, touching toasts, the best cakes ever, and hats off to our DJ for really keeping the good music flowing! Will with A Music Plus was open to our list of unique music that we wanted to dance to while also knowing the real crowd pleasers and when to tease in what songs. The music couldn't have been better. I was the last on the dance floor at the end of the night, and my legs hurt for about a week after! It was perfect!
The day was a beautiful blur of love, celebrated with so many people who mean so much to us in our lives. Whatever other drama may have happened, I was in a blissful state of being unaware. I was drunk on love and dancing like a fool, grateful to be committing to a life with a man who means the world to me. After all the headaches and planning and frustrations etc.... Everything came together exactly how it needed to. I will forever look back on this as such an amazing day in our lives, and a wonderful kick-off to our married life, surrounded by people who love and support us.
After our wedding we had a wonderful honeymoon in Los Cabos where we stayed at an all-inclusive resort, got to sit by the beach, had access to a private pool from our swim-out room, and relaxed and shared in time together, just us. As we bonded and romanced and laughed our way through the week, I pieced together some reflections that I have since passed along to my youngest sister who is getting married this March. Maybe this list will come in handy for others too, so here it is:
1) Something will go wrong on your wedding day. People warn you about it, so of course you think "I'll be totally fine!" And then... it happens... whatever "it" is. I had the bridesmaid incident just before the wedding, and then day-of the photographer being over an hour late to the wedding meant some of the pictures we wanted to get weren't gotten, etc. Stuff is going to go wrong, and you are allowed to be upset. Find the right trusted person to vent to about it and then let it go and enjoy your day!
I think what I learned most from this is that this is why you surround yourself with people you love and trust to help you process whatever does go wrong, and celebrate in all the things that go right. Call on your people. Use your people. Delegate things to your people. And also tell all of your people who they should go to on your wedding day so that they leave you alone when you need to just release and party! (Literally wish I had handed out a "chain of command" communications plan to everyone, lol!)
2) Allow yourself to release and party at some point on your wedding day. Being on that dance floor the majority of the night meant so much to me. I wouldn't have had it any other way. It makes me smile.
3) Have a mix of crowd pleaser music and music that is a true representation of the two of you. We got to play some amazing music, and some songs left Chris and I on the dance floor alone, and some of that made for our favorite memories.
4) If you have a train on your dress... request someone help you manage it during the ceremony. Walking down the aisle with Mom and Dad meant it got stepped on a lot, it was hard to move, we couldn't get down the stairs easily, there was like... zero grace with it. In retrospect, I wish we had started in a different location to walk down the aisle, but didn't know it until the moment... Then walking back down the aisle when we were done with the ceremony was super frustrating because I couldn't walk right! It made for a cranky bride for a second... Also, sit in your dress, make sure you are comfortable and can breathe when seated, it feels different. And, bring double sided sticky tape... I didn't and was ultimately messing with my lacey sleeve things all night. It wasn't that way when I was at the tailors...
5) Determine before the wedding day a way for you and your husband to get a moment alone together right after the ceremony. It doesn't have to be for any lengthy period of time, but the two of you should take a moment just to breathe together immediately after. Chris and I clumsily slammed the door of the Green Room after us, stalling the entire wedding party at the door (relatively rudely), but we had no idea of where else to go! I needed a minute, and I needed to have that minute with Chris, alone.
6) Hiring a day of coordinator was one of the best investments we could have made! If you can wiggle it in your budget, I highly highly recommend. They set things up, tear things down, help with vendor coordination... it took so much off of us for the day of. And Amber was fantastic!
7) The day before the wedding is not really another day to get stuff done, it's a day filled with other activities, so all wedding preparation stuff leading up to the wedding really needs to be wrapped up two days before the wedding. It's deceptive. The couple days before the wedding were crazy! I also recommend taking some time off from work to better manage the crazy if able.
8) Have a dance with Dad, regardless of how close your relationship is.
9) And have a dance with Mom. It's so meaningful.
10) Your house will be filled with random wedding things. Amazon boxes for days! Random little decor things... Often one decision leads to 5 random tasks and little things that need to be purchased or made. Create a list and reach out to your people to see what they may have that you can borrow, it'll help! And delegate, lots of people want to be given something to do so that they are contributing in some way. Let people help.
11) My idea of rolling out invitations in batches was good in theory, but not actually effective. Send 'em all at once. There will be people who don't RSVP and it's frustrating. People will RSVP and last minute be unable to attend and that's also frustrating, especially when they don't tell you. Be clear on who you want there, and invite accordingly. Sometimes a strict headcount means making tough decisions on who to invite, and hopefully everyone will be understanding. Weddings are expensive, even when you try to stick with a modest budget!
12) Plan for leftovers and extras. Not everything you want will make it home with you unless you dictate exactly what you want to have with you. Request help (i.e. coolers, extra containers, and people with room in their trunks to help take things away from the venue after cleanup). And bear in mind you may want to communicate what is fragile. We had the issue of helpful people not also bring careful with everything so we did have some stuff get broken (like our cake topper), and unfortunately the charms Dana had given me have been misplaced in the shuffle (I don't know what bag/box they may have landed in, I'm still desperately searching). Wish I had been able to be more effective delegating at that point in the evening.... but what "planning ahead" we did was good, and I realize I could have been more meticulous about it in advance.
13) I discovered that the two days before the wedding are the most stressful (self-care during those two days is important - carve out time for yourself and your partner!). The wedding day itself is basically a giant blur and lots of emotions and then dancing til you drop. The day after the wedding is basically the best day, you get to wake up next to your husband, hopefully have some morning after breakfast with people to actually have some face-time with guests you may have missed during the wedding, and just be married! (also Pedialite is amazing and they do make individual packet size mixes, drink some after the wedding before you go to bed, it's super helpful as far as minimizing the hangover!)
14) It took a lot of pressure off of us to have a 1st Look and to exchange our personal vows with each other during that time. Basically it felt like the hard part was over. We had a great ceremony, and I definitely felt a million times more at ease after Chris and I had this time together.
15) Make your website as detailed as you feel you need to capture what is helpful for you to communicate to your guests, and accept the fact that regardless of how well you put it together/how many hours you put into making it as thorough as possible... there will be people who won't read it or follow instructions/requests (that's how we ended up with things like a very expensive additional shuttle run at 8pm that we hadn't planned for or budgeted for [thankfully the Mish was accommodating of negotiations on that one], people wearing attire that I didn't feel was appropriate for a wedding (even a relatively casual one), people asking me questions like "where are you registered, we can't find your registry!", etc. Even if it is all on the website, people will still ask you directly.)
16) If your venue has any challenges such as no reception or WiFi, invest in wakie-talkies. We got up into the canyon and had no way to communicate when there were issues. It was an anxiety that was unnecessary when the day is already pretty stressful....
17) Everyone is beautiful on their wedding day, don't worry about how much weight you lose/don't lose. You will look gorgeous.
