Hiking Down the Aisle - 9/20/2018

It happened.  I'm a little late on piecing all my thoughts together about this amazing, fantastic, heart-felt, emotional, overwhelming, beautiful, blur of a day to actually put into writing...  But after over a decade of knowing each other, of which 7 years we've been romantically involved, two years of being engaged, two graduate degree programs completed, three post-graduate certificates obtained, taking in and caring for our two beloved special-needs animals, numerous job changes, events/festivities, and life transitions...... We got married on Thursday, September 20th, 2018.

Leading up to the wedding took lots of vendor outreach, meetings, planning, Pinterest posts, seeking advice from others to piece together a budget conscious, enjoyable, true to us wedding to celebrate our dedication of sharing in this life together for as long as our foreseeable future allows (and hopefully beyond).  Cheers to the next chapter in our life together, as a certified married couple.  I juggled wrapping up graduate school while also trying to "project manage" our wedding to dot i's and cross t's for our "big day", maintain the budget, and rope my husband-to-be into as many decisions and discussions as possible (which with his busy work schedule was hard to do at times...).  The closer we got to the wedding, the more confident I was that my hard work paid off and we wouldn't have too many surprises at the wedding (which was sort of true), and the closer the day came the more frequently the words "we should have eloped!" came out of both our mouths...  Ultimately, while there were some headaches, there were some amazing things, some surprises, and lots and lots of dancing and love come wedding day that made me grateful that we did it.

The Lead-Up
We had the wherewithal to take the entire week of the wedding off from work (THANK GOODNESS!!!) so that we had time to finalize and fully prepare together.  What I've learned is that you will take all of whatever amount of time you give yourself to plan your wedding - be it two years or six weeks.  There were little "DIY" needs that came up, so many Amazon Prime boxes scattered our home, I felt pressure to lose as much weight as possible (stupid wedding pressure fyi..  All people are gorgeous on their wedding day regardless of size!), there were lots of pressures to accommodate the ideas from others of what they thought we needed to do...  So it was nice to have time together to prepare and make sure we didn't lose ourselves in the process.

We had mailed save the dates in lieu of holiday cards to those who were on our guaranteed invite list.  My uncle who is an artist helped with designing our cute save the dates that were great.  One guest list challenge was that our total guest list had crept up to around 150 headcount, but our budget was really capped at 100 attendees, and the indoor contingency space for "in the event of poor weather" (which is always a real possibility in Colorado) was only large enough for 85 guests seated.  Plus in considering us and our feelings, we both wanted a smaller wedding.  We took time to determine the closest people to us in our lives (who knew us both) that we would most want to have with us on our wedding day, then all other invites were secondary.  This method unfortunately did cause some heartache (when some of those who didn't receive save the dates found out...)...  But we wanted to be very mindful of our headcount and hoped people would understand.  I've known people who have invited lots of guests under the assurance that "approximately 30% don't actually come", who then are surprised when everyone RSVPs "yes".... so we didn't want to take any chances.  We tried a "roll-out" system with our formal invites (these cute "concert ticket" type invites I found on Etsy), sending more out as RSVPs came in...  While good in theory, not good in practice because there are unfortunately many people who don't return invites timely.  A lesson to all those who are invited to weddings: please do the couple a favor by RSVPing as soon as you get the invite, put their postage to use so that you're not wasting their money, and if you at last minute can't make it to the wedding, regardless of reason, please be sure to communicate this as it is costly to have last-minute no-shows.  And my sincere apologies to any couple who I have not upheld this courtesy with...

But I digress...

Invites had gone out after my graduation in the spring, and through the summer we were calculating RSVPs, regularly emailing and meeting with most of our vendors to be on the same page, met with our respective parties and the officiants to get "ducks in a row".  Things were looking really good overall, with also time to celebrate with our bachelor/bachelorette/bridal shower parties.  The week of the wedding included picking up our marriage license, packing, cleaning house, meeting with our day-of coordinator (Amber with Moody Blue Events - aka Best Wedding Decision Ever Made!), making final music selections, and all those last minute final touches.

I did have one particular issue during the week-of lead-up.  One of my bridesmaids backed out.  When I had initially asked her to be part of the wedding party (roughly a year in advance...) she seemed incredibly thrilled to be asked, said repeatedly what an honor it was, etc.  The closer we got to the wedding though, the more of a flake she was... She backed out of every wedding related event leading up to our big day, and always for (I felt) lame reasons and last minute.  She was implying with her actions that she wasn't invested in me as a friend.  She wasn't dependable even to the point that my mother finally asked: "Do you think she'll show up for the wedding?"  I felt at such a loss, this woman had been a friend of mine since freshman year of high school.  She always told me I was like a sister to her, one of the most important people in her life.  I think there has been some influence due to her current boyfriend that I think play into in her going from a dependable friend to a total flake, but... Regardless, I felt disrespected by her and that she wasn't empathetic or understanding as to the significant hurt she was causing me.  To add insult, she frequently posts her whereabouts on social media.  So the weekend before the wedding I was well aware that she was out drinking/bar hopping with her boyfriend, but suddenly the Monday before the wedding she posted on Facebook: "I haven't been this sick in a long time."  As someone who has been significantly sick in the past, I empathize, but in this case I was also suspicious.  She didn't reach out to me directly what-so-ever.  So, Tuesday (two days before the wedding) I reached out to her.  And there it was.  What I had been dreading and hoped would never come.  She literally called out sick to the wedding.  And with what?  A common head cold.  There are certain illnesses that warrant staying home, but a head cold?  I was so hurt.  Literally to the core... how could she do this to me?  Betrayal, loss, and frustration all flooded into me (especially when day-of she tagged herself on Facebook out at a bar with her boyfriend and his mother celebrating something, and the following weekend she spent the entire time at the Great American Beer Fest - so... too sick to come to my wedding as a bridesmaid but not sick enough to miss out on drinking with her boyfriend).  I was devastated, but also tried to be realistic and just push past it.  I reached out to my maid of honor and mother to let them know what happened.

I must preface, that my mother is one of seven and they are all very close, so ultimately when one knows something they pretty much all do.  It can be a wonderful thing, especially in times like this.  About a week prior to the wedding, my younger cousin decided that she was going to attend the wedding and flew in from Seattle.  She was staying with my aunt when my aunt heard that my friend had bailed on the wedding.  My clever aunt asked my cousin what she brought to wear to the wedding.  Surprisingly, and unintentionally, she had brought a navy blue, cocktail length dress, which was the exact type of dress I had instructed my bridesmaids to get.  I had an available extra bridesmaid necklace that had a morganite stone in it, my cousin's middle name is Morgan.  We had already ordered the bouquet, I had a gift to give at the rehearsal luncheon, all the pieces were already in place for another bridesmaid, in that moment it seemed only natural to determine a replacement.  It was like universal powers aligned.  So I reached out to my cousin and asked if she would take place as the seventh bridesmaid in my lineup, and she agreed.  What a lovely, unexpected relief!  And reiteration of how family can show up for one another.  I am so blessed with such a supportive and loving family.

I feel so humbled and grateful for the truly magnificent people who did show up and support us on this most significant day in our lives.  And especially the amazing women in my bridal party to include my three sisters, my sister-in-law, our niece, one of my best friends, and my cousin.

I told my fiance, "Honestly if this is the worst of it, I think we're going to have a great day."

Rehearsal
Wednesday came and we met with everyone in Fort Collins for our rehearsal luncheon with the wedding party as a casual affair in a park, then went up to the venue for our rehearsal.  Our venue: The Mishawaka, host of a beautiful backdrop on the Poudre River, a great casual restaurant and music venue tucked in the canyon west of Fort Collins by about 30-minutes drive.  Affordable and a perfect setting for a musician and his concert-going, CD mix making wife.  Gary, the event coordinator of the venue, was easy to work with, flexible, reasonable with prices and gave straight-forward answers to questions that helped make our day a huge success.  (Needless to say, I highly highly highly recommend the Mish as a unique wedding venue in Colorado!)  We got to be fairly minimalistic with our decorations since the Mish had great decor already, which was nice.  Though our rentals company proved to be hardest to work with, we still had everything we needed day of.  We stuck with a more "rustic" look for our overall decor/feel. We made vinyl record bowls and filled them with candy, guitar picks, and a CD of specific songs from our wedding as a unique gift to our guests. We had a drum cymbal for our guest book to be signed as well as a communal painting for people to paint.  We requested donations to Maxfund Animal Shelter in lieu of wedding gifts, and set up some small baskets of stuffed dogs to give as gifts to the kids in attendance as something to play with but also to promote the Maxfund.  We had beautiful and simple floral arrangements from Jordan's Flowers that were just the right accent, and absolutely gorgeous.  For desserts we offered a spread of cupcakes and a small cutting cake from the Cupcake Gypsies that were all delicious and gluten free! 

After the rehearsal, we got together with folks who were in town for drinks at Tap & Handle.  It was a wonderful day getting to pre-celebrate with many lovely friends and family.

I also had made arrangements to stay at a VRBO house for the night before the wedding, keeping the tradition that the bride and groom don't see each other before the wedding and as a way to have members of my bridal party stay together and have a space for getting ready day-of.  I got to bunk with my childhood friend, Dana, and it was such a wonderful blast from the past to have a bit of a "slumber party" where we laughed and talked all night long.  She gave me a set of charms that had powerful good intentions put into it from friends of hers when she was having her children.  She said it brought her comfort during the most significant times in her life (the birth of both her kids), and that she wanted me to have all that positivity and good energy with me during a significant time in my life.  I was so moved... this dear loving beautiful woman, who I've been through so much with over the years, is and will always be a significant person in my life.  And how fun to laugh together into the wee hours of the morning, like we did back many years ago as kids.

Wedding Day
The morning of the wedding came, I sipped on coffee and tried to connect with myself considering it hadn't really sunk in the significance that I was about to marry my beloved.  I had a makeup artist (Chaundra who is a doll!) and hair stylists come to the house that morning to help with getting everyone ready.  I realized I had forgotten earrings all together, but that didn't matter when my mother gave me my great aunt Pat's pearls to wear which felt so special and brought me to tears (Pat died just a couple years ago).  I got all gussied up, and then was driven with my mother and our two officiants up into the canyon to get married.

One thing about the canyon that we hadn't fully considered........... there's little to no cell reception and zero Wifi.  So when there are issues that arise, there's no way to communicate with others.  So I got to the venue and was greeted by Amber who informed me that our photographer had car troubles that morning and was running late (like a couple hours late), but we didn't know what her ETA was or anything, with no way to get in touch with her, and I had no way to get in touch with the rest of the wedding party or with Chris.  We had already communicated the night before to everyone (wedding party, parents, etc) to meet at our 1st Look location at 2pm so that Chris and I could share in our moment together, and then we could take portraits with everyone for about an hour+ before we absolutely had to be at the venue for "go time" at 4pm.  This seemed like a great arrangement to get some of those photos out of the way instead of doing them during the cocktail hour so that we could enjoy libations with people.  Well... things don't always go according to plan...

All I could do was get into my dress and try not to freak out!  I had a burning desire to smoke a lot of cigarettes (though I quit smoking many years ago), and needed a stiff drink!  Thankfully the best man had my back on the latter one - a swig of whiskey helped!  We waited patiently, me trying not to be seen by others, many of our wedding party unfortunately not getting relayed the message that the photographer was late... I felt horrible and anxious all around.

But finally she found us, Chris and I did our first look over a bridge that was perfect and exchanged vows privately, and then we got at least some portraits.  I'm sad there are so many photos we didn't get that were on the list we had given the photographer in advance.... I don't have a picture of me with my bridal party getting ready together (even if it would have been posed...), I don't have a full-length portrait of just me in my wedding dress, I don't have a picture of me with my flower girl (Dana's daughter), I don't have a picture of me with each of my bridesmaids individually, and there are several important families we didn't get pictures of us with... though some did happen, and I'm grateful for what pictures we did get....  I think the photographer was so flustered, and I was flustered, there was so much happening, I didn't know what to communicate and she kept saying "what do you want next?" which was a problem since my brain was so distracted and all over the place... and with the timeframe being what it was...  We did what we could, got what photos we did, it was what it was.  Regardless, I felt so much relief having been able to see Chris and share our written vows to each other privately.

It was in some of the lead up that we discovered a few things when it came to our vows... for one I use way more words than Chris when describing feelings, for two Chris being an introvert makes that vulnerability in front of others awkward feeling for him, and for three there were some guests we invited out of obligation who were in attendance who I haven't met before and therefore wouldn't feel comfortable sharing those intimate vows in front of.  Our officiants helped us with the idea that exchanging vows privately would take some of that pressure off.  Amazing suggestion, thank you Alexis and Meg!

And thank God for the shot of whiskey from our best man (thanks Kiley!), and the cigarette I later bummed from one of the groomsmen (thanks Jon!).  So many things helped to cut down on our levels of pressure and stress for our day, be it healthy coping skills or less healthy... all was needed and welcomed on this joyous day.

There were lots of things that came to realization at "show-time" such as not having the groomsmen in a similar line-up as the bridesmaids for walking down the aisle (I had the ladies go two at a time whereas the men went one at a time vs how I had envisioned), difficulty at the start of my entrance that there wasn't enough space for me to walk with my parents down the aisle without tripping on my dress, etc.  But who cares.  Going down the aisle to meet with my husband was the most meaningful moment of my day.

We had a beautiful ceremony, followed by a tasty dinner, touching toasts, the best cakes ever, and hats off to our DJ for really keeping the good music flowing! Will with A Music Plus was open to our list of unique music that we wanted to dance to while also knowing the real crowd pleasers and when to tease in what songs.  The music couldn't have been better.  I was the last on the dance floor at the end of the night, and my legs hurt for about a week after!  It was perfect!

  

The day was a beautiful blur of love, celebrated with so many people who mean so much to us in our lives.  Whatever other drama may have happened, I was in a blissful state of being unaware.  I was drunk on love and dancing like a fool, grateful to be committing to a life with a man who means the world to me.  After all the headaches and planning and frustrations etc.... Everything came together exactly how it needed to.  I will forever look back on this as such an amazing day in our lives, and a wonderful kick-off to our married life, surrounded by people who love and support us.

After our wedding we had a wonderful honeymoon in Los Cabos where we stayed at an all-inclusive resort, got to sit by the beach, had access to a private pool from our swim-out room, and relaxed and shared in time together, just us.  As we bonded and romanced and laughed our way through the week, I pieced together some reflections that I have since passed along to my youngest sister who is getting married this March.  Maybe this list will come in handy for others too, so here it is:

1) Something will go wrong on your wedding day.  People warn you about it, so of course you think "I'll be totally fine!"  And then... it happens... whatever "it" is.  I had the bridesmaid incident just before the wedding, and then day-of the photographer being over an hour late to the wedding meant some of the pictures we wanted to get weren't gotten, etc.  Stuff is going to go wrong, and you are allowed to be upset.  Find the right trusted person to vent to about it and then let it go and enjoy your day!

I think what I learned most from this is that this is why you surround yourself with people you love and trust to help you process whatever does go wrong, and celebrate in all the things that go right.  Call on your people.  Use your people.  Delegate things to your people.  And also tell all of your people who they should go to on your wedding day so that they leave you alone when you need to just release and party!  (Literally wish I had handed out a "chain of command" communications plan to everyone, lol!)

2) Allow yourself to release and party at some point on your wedding day.  Being on that dance floor the majority of the night meant so much to me.  I wouldn't have had it any other way. It makes me smile.

3) Have a mix of crowd pleaser music and music that is a true representation of the two of you.  We got to play some amazing music, and some songs left Chris and I on the dance floor alone, and some of that made for our favorite memories.

4) If you have a train on your dress... request someone help you manage it during the ceremony.  Walking down the aisle with Mom and Dad meant it got stepped on a lot, it was hard to move, we couldn't get down the stairs easily, there was like... zero grace with it.  In retrospect, I wish we had started in a different location to walk down the aisle, but didn't know it until the moment... Then walking back down the aisle when we were done with the ceremony was super frustrating because I couldn't walk right!  It made for a cranky bride for a second... Also, sit in your dress, make sure you are comfortable and can breathe when seated, it feels different.  And, bring double sided sticky tape... I didn't and was ultimately messing with my lacey sleeve things all night.  It wasn't that way when I was at the tailors... 

5) Determine before the wedding day a way for you and your husband to get a moment alone together right after the ceremony.  It doesn't have to be for any lengthy period of time, but the two of you should take a moment just to breathe together immediately after.  Chris and I clumsily slammed the door of the Green Room after us, stalling the entire wedding party at the door (relatively rudely), but we had no idea of where else to go!  I needed a minute, and I needed to have that minute with Chris, alone.  

6) Hiring a day of coordinator was one of the best investments we could have made!  If you can wiggle it in your budget, I highly highly recommend.  They set things up, tear things down, help with vendor coordination... it took so much off of us for the day of.  And Amber was fantastic!

7) The day before the wedding is not really another day to get stuff done, it's a day filled with other activities, so all wedding preparation stuff leading up to the wedding really needs to be wrapped up two days before the wedding.  It's deceptive.  The couple days before the wedding were crazy!  I also recommend taking some time off from work to better manage the crazy if able.

8)  Have a dance with Dad, regardless of how close your relationship is.

9) And have a dance with Mom.  It's so meaningful.

10)  Your house will be filled with random wedding things.  Amazon boxes for days!  Random little decor things... Often one decision leads to 5 random tasks and little things that need to be purchased or made.  Create a list and reach out to your people to see what they may have that you can borrow, it'll help!  And delegate, lots of people want to be given something to do so that they are contributing in some way.  Let people help.

11)  My idea of rolling out invitations in batches was good in theory, but not actually effective.  Send 'em all at once.  There will be people who don't RSVP and it's frustrating.  People will RSVP and last minute be unable to attend and that's also frustrating, especially when they don't tell you.  Be clear on who you want there, and invite accordingly.  Sometimes a strict headcount means making tough decisions on who to invite, and hopefully everyone will be understanding.  Weddings are expensive, even when you try to stick with a modest budget!

12)  Plan for leftovers and extras.  Not everything you want will make it home with you unless you dictate exactly what you want to have with you.  Request help (i.e. coolers, extra containers, and people with room in their trunks to help take things away from the venue after cleanup).  And bear in mind you may want to communicate what is fragile.  We had the issue of helpful people not also bring careful with everything so we did have some stuff get broken (like our cake topper), and unfortunately the charms Dana had given me have been misplaced in the shuffle (I don't know what bag/box they may have landed in, I'm still desperately searching).  Wish I had been able to be more effective delegating at that point in the evening.... but what "planning ahead" we did was good, and I realize I could have been more meticulous about it in advance.

13)  I discovered that the two days before the wedding are the most stressful (self-care during those two days is important - carve out time for yourself and your partner!).  The wedding day itself is basically a giant blur and lots of emotions and then dancing til you drop.  The day after the wedding is basically the best day, you get to wake up next to your husband, hopefully have some morning after breakfast with people to actually have some face-time with guests you may have missed during the wedding, and just be married!  (also Pedialite is amazing and they do make individual packet size mixes, drink some after the wedding before you go to bed, it's super helpful as far as minimizing the hangover!)

14)  It took a lot of pressure off of us to have a 1st Look and to exchange our personal vows with each other during that time.  Basically it felt like the hard part was over.  We had a great ceremony, and I definitely felt a million times more at ease after Chris and I had this time together.  

15)  Make your website as detailed as you feel you need to capture what is helpful for you to communicate to your guests, and accept the fact that regardless of how well you put it together/how many hours you put into making it as thorough as possible... there will be people who won't read it or follow instructions/requests (that's how we ended up with things like a very expensive additional shuttle run at 8pm that we hadn't planned for or budgeted for [thankfully the Mish was accommodating of negotiations on that one], people wearing attire that I didn't feel was appropriate for a wedding (even a relatively casual one), people asking me questions like "where are you registered, we can't find your registry!", etc.  Even if it is all on the website, people will still ask you directly.)

16)  If your venue has any challenges such as no reception or WiFi, invest in wakie-talkies.  We got up into the canyon and had no way to communicate when there were issues.  It was an anxiety that was unnecessary when the day is already pretty stressful....

17)  Everyone is beautiful on their wedding day, don't worry about how much weight you lose/don't lose. You will look gorgeous.

Labor Day Weekend in Cortez - Sept 1-3, 2018

I'm late writing this, but I suppose planning a wedding and all the crazy associated with it will do that to a person... But here we go, another hike another blog! (even if it's a little late....)

As the summer was drawing to a close, and our wedding nearing time... I knew we needed to get the heck out of town for a bit to decompress.  I was so stressed this past summer, trying to knock out one last class for my second certificate area in grad-school (because why just get a masters degree when you can also get two certifications?? Sigh... I did it to myself..), trying to finalize wedding plans, trying to lose weight, trying to keep house, trying to stay social... trying trying trying and finding myself overwhelmed and exhausted all the time.  So I reached out to one of my beloved aunts to see if a visit could be arranged.  She and her partner live in Cortez, far enough away to get out of the city but close enough that a three-day-weekend could be arranged.  I was so grateful when I received the message "when will you be here?" in response to my request to be a guest.  I breezed the idea past my (then) fiance (now husband, woo hoo!) and confirmed with my aunt before even getting a full thumbs up from Chris.  I knew the break was what we both would need, and even if I had to go alone I was up for the weekend getaway.  (I'm glad we went together though, we travel well together.)

We threw the trip together relatively quickly and plotted to swing by the Sand Dunes since Chris has never been there before.  We loaded up our car, dropped our dog off with my sister-in-law for the two nights we'd be away, and off we went!

To vent just a little............  The challenge with the drive is that Colorado has become a dreadful place to drive as a whole.  As a Colorado native who can speak to "how it used to be"... before the huge influx of people moved here, Colorado was one of the safest places to drive.  We had open enough roads for enjoyable travel.  Once there used to be specific rush hours that one could depend on (7-8am, 12-12:30ish, and 5-6pm).  After marijuana was legalized, everyone from other states flooded our beautiful state, our roads being filled to the brim, aggression on the rise, road rage a real constant risk.  It's un-enjoyable to drive 99% of the time nowadays, and it feels like there's rush hour all the time.  I know that some newer residents have commented that they're tired of Colorado natives complaining, but honestly... I want the old Colorado back.  I want to enjoy traveling by road, the less crowded mountains, the easier commutes, the general lower anxiety state that Colorado used to be.  I used to love driving and looked forward to such travel...  Oh well.  I suppose those are times I'll have to remember fondly...

We dealt with hellish drivers for the 8 hours to Cortez because we needed to get away and it is always a joy to get time with my aunts Barbara and Ouida.  About halfway through the trek is when you come across the Sand Dunes.  Coming up on them, they do seem smaller than they actually are, initially looking like unimpressive hills in the distance... But the closer you get the larger and more impressive they become!

We parked at the Visitors Center, inside they have some neat information and educational things and a small gift shop.  We then walked from there to the base of the dunes, discovering a closer parking lot to the base... but that's okay, the extra steps aren't a bad thing for this curvy girl! (especially nearing the wedding!)  We then started across the sand expanse leading up to the dunes themselves.  Walking on sand is much harder than it seems, you practically need snowshoes to get decent traction.  My legs started burning almost immediately as we walked along the sand.  We were a little surprised as to how many people were there too, I wouldn't guess the Sand Dunes to be particularly popular over Labor Day Weekend since I'd assumed most folks to be camping or throwing BBQs, but lots of folks were trekking up to sled down the sand.  It was quite windy that day too!  Regardless, it was a fun stop off and good break for stretching the legs.  We didn't get all the way to the top, but we got high enough on the dunes to feel accomplished.  I couldn't help but recall a visit there when I was in the 7th grade...

Back in the 7th grade my core class teachers took the class on the Mesa Verde trip during Spring Break.  Bless those teachers for taking a bunch of middle schoolers on a lengthy field trip...  But I recall it being a really fun rip overall, despite that I ended up throwing out my back trying to hike to the top of the dunes.  I've not been to the top of the dunes.  Don't know that it's on my bucket list for accomplishments, and I can at least say I've been there a couple times and have enjoyed the stop when it's come up for me.

Ultimately this trip also made me think I should get a parks pass next year now that I'm done with school, I might actually have time to spend in various national parks!  It's an exciting thought.

We then finished the drive into Cortez, staying at the home of my two beautiful aunts who are overly accommodating for guests - excellent food and drink, comfortable sleep, delightful company, and five wonderful dogs...

Plus we were treated to a massage at Timber Hot Springs in Durango just about an hour away from their home that was a wonderful relaxation that we needed before the wedding. 

Thank you so much Barbara and Ouida for a lovely mountain getaway!  Next time we'll stay for a little longer to soak up more time with you and do some more hikes.  A perfect break.  I am so grateful!

On our way home we briefly swung by Ouray for a quick cup of coffee and got in a short hike at the Lower Cascade Falls Trail which was a quick hop and skip from the parking area.

Super easy quick hike with a nice waterfall at the end.  I was glad we made the quick stop off before continuing the final long haul back to Denver...

At least the drive has some gorgeous views... It took us 11 hours to get home on Labor Day Monday... the day when I hoped everyone would be celebrating the day off at BBQs but instead were all on the road with us...  But again, at least the mountain views were gorgeous. 
(The following pictures were taken from the car)

Grateful for the weekend away and brief hikes we got to enjoy in early September.

Solo Hiking - Chimney Gulch Trail - July 15, 2018

Once again my life has found itself to be in a crazy busy spin.  A work-related circumstance arose at the non-profit I work at that included the immediate need for an interim operations manager that resulted in my hours increasing to fit their needs.  I'm also still working part-time at a retail store, and gaining clinical hours by volunteering time as a grief counselor one full-day a week plus offering two grief-support groups with that organization until I find a full-time counseling role somewhere.  And I'm taking the last remaining class for the post-graduate play therapy certificate that I started when in my graduate program.  Ultimately while the increase in hours for the non-profit job is helpful as far as income is concerned, the crazy schedule has made things a bit hard to juggle (especially with our wedding coming up in short-order!!).  One of my co-workers put it best... "2018 is the year that didn't happen where everything happened."  Sums it up - it's been fast and furious, hard to believe it's already nearing the end of July, and it's been so busy I know things have happened... but where did the time go?  All this to say, my big plans of hiking every weekend, getting to the gym daily, getting more time for artwork and self-care has been shuffled.  I'm sad to see these things pushed to the back-burner again.  As I peer at my calendar, I get more anxious since it doesn't appear to slow down really until after the wedding (which is now just two months away!).  My goals for weight loss to get fit for the wedding seem further away meanwhile the wedding is closing in fast!  I'm applying for various counseling jobs all over Colorado in effort to find a good fit that will get me paid as a counselor and reduce some of the chaos of my schedule, but so far nothing has taken hold yet to give me peace of mind that this next professional step is coming soon...  Fingers crossed and a bunch of anxious energy until then...

My fiance and two of our very close friends went to the Dead & Company concert on the 14th, I had intended to join them but due to having class all day that day and the logistics being a challenge, the three of them went without me which left me some time at home after class, painting and watching rom-coms and nostalgic shows on Netflix, snuggling with our animals, and ultimately gave me the opportunity to get up bright and early the next day to allow time for a hike before a busy day of wedding-related shopping, homework and time with my mother and sister.  I did a quick google search for close short hikes near Denver so as to have enough time to hike and get to what else was on the agenda for the day.  Chimney Gulch Trail came up with a couple pictures that looked appealing, only a 30-minute drive from our house, seemed to fit the bill!  With no other research, I packed a camelback pack with water and the usual supplies, plus a couple snacks since I wasn't hungry for breakfast yet, grabbed my camera and off I went for a solo hike while my fiance slept after his late night.

Some things I learned that morning... Chimney Gulch Trail has multiple parking lot options.  Google Maps took me to the parking lot right off of 6th at the very base, I arrived there right around 8am.  Ultimately there was lots of noise from the highway initially, and at times I felt like I was basically walking through backyards due to proximity of some residential properties.  This section of the trail was a bit steep at times, and quickly I recognized that lots of people were already using this trail for their morning runs and bike rides so I had to be careful and step aside a lot throughout this hike.  About 20 or 30 minutes in was when I discovered one of the other parking lot areas that would have prevented me from feeling like I was walking on someone else's property, and by this point while you could still hear some traffic and bustle from the town below it was definitely quieter.

Regardless, along the start of my hike, I was surprised by several rabbit sitings.  It struck me because the past two days in my play therapy class rabbits became a bit of a theme for me, and I determined they must be a totem for me right now.  After class on Saturday I had done a quick search about the symbolism of "rabbit" and what I read was that the rabbit as a symbol primarily indicates abundance, comfort and vulnerability and that similar to symbols for spring holds themes of new life, new beginnings and the "undeniable current of growth".  I find this to be very fitting in my life right now as far as the need for comfort, feelings of vulnerability, and experiencing new beginnings and growth, with lots of hopefulness toward abundance.

There were also more birds than I had expected to see, some that were even quite close.  I enjoyed hearing them (despite at times being a little overpowered by the traffic noise below).  I suppose it was worth it to start from 6th in order to enjoy some of the nature beings I came across.

Knowing that I was a bit pressed for time but hopeful that I could see the overlook that was in the picture I had seen online before leaving, I felt myself trying to enjoy the hike and focus on getting up the trail but also keeping an eye on my watch.  I knew I'd have to turn back at 9:45am regardless of hitting my goal or not because of a commitment at 11am which meant I had to be back in the car by 10:30am.

I came across several other nature-scapes that were nice, but weren't the one I was hoping to get to quite yet...

So I kept going, trying to focus on one foot in front of the other, not to get discouraged or anxious, and to try to be present in the outdoor space.  Thank goodness I was getting some time outdoors!  I did start to feel some soreness in my ankles, too.  I had been doubting my overly prepared self that I may have packed too much for this trail after seeing many others who had come on this trail with simply sneakers and maybe one water bottle, but in feeling my ankle discomfort was relieved to know I had a first aide kit with me since I had a feeling I was in for some blisters.  Regardless of my perception of others or that they might know more/be more experienced hikers than me, I recognized where I have to be prepared and accountable for myself, even if it meant I had things with me that weren't 100% necessary (better to have them and not need them, right?).

And then there it was.  The scenic shot I was looking for!

An overlook of beautiful mountains opened before me.  I had to cross the street to get to a third parking lot that was right at this view point.  There was a small fence and a couple benches where I sat, tended to my ankles, and took in some breath.  I had 5 minutes to spare before I had to be turning back.  I snacked on an apple and enjoyed looking out over the view even if just for those few minutes.

I headed back down, my pace being quicker due to urgency of getting back to the car, still trying to get out of the way of cyclists and runners throughout the entire way.  I felt a sense of success having gotten to the point on the trail I had hoped to in the time I intended, and making peace with my lack of information gathering beforehand to know more of what to expect on this hike.  It was nice to enjoy the outdoors, to be flexible to the unexpected, and to get to the goal I had set for the hike.  While I was a couple minutes late getting back to the car, it was worth it.  As I was coming up to that second parking lot, a deer pranced across the street!  I was so excited to see this deer!  The last leg of the hike didn't seem too much further after that.  It was a great ending to the hike and right before the rain came in.  What a relief to get some rain in Colorado!

Solo Hiking at Mt Falcon Park - May 24, 2018

My schedule has changed quite a bit since graduating my master's program, and as I work to adjust while also trying to stay diligent about staying task oriented and not lose momentum, my newly discovered "free-time" can relatively quickly get gobbled up by one thing or another.  So on May 24th when I realized that I hadn't formally made any plans other than taking the dog to the vet to get his teeth cleaned and that I otherwise had the day to myself, I decided to head for the hills.  House cleaning and job hunting could wait.

I put together a light pack with water, some snacks, made sure I had first aid things since I was going it alone, and my camera and set off toward Mt Falcon Park - a destination not far outside of Denver that brings up lots of fondness and nostalgia from my childhood years.  As I drove, music on, sun shining... I recalled the almost weekly trips during summer months with my family to this very same destination all throughout my growing up.  My mother would bring orange juice and light snacks, often the night before making muffins to take with us.  She'd put on the cassette of Vivaldi's Four Seasons.  We'd park and walk what seemed at the time a long way up to the Eagle Eye Shelter to enjoy our snacks.  If we were up to it, we'd go back down around the Castle Trail to see the ruins.  We'd head home with smiles on our faces, our small legs worn out from hiking, falling asleep to the lull of Vivaldi and the motion of the car.  The rush of nostalgia made me smile.

What I also realized is that this was my first time going to this fantastic little spot solo.  I've done very few solo hiking trips in my life, aware that while plenty of people hike alone, there can also be risks of hiking without a buddy.  But, for such a low-key hike on a random Thursday, I felt empowered and figured I'd be fine.  I parked at the West Parking Lot (discovering on my way that there is a Mt Falcon Park East Parking Lot that's basically right next to Red Rocks, which wasn't the one I was looking for for this trip...).  The West Parking Lot is right at the start of the same trails I'd hiked on many times as a child.  With camera in hand, boots on my feet, pack on my back, off I went. 

I made my way down Tower Trail, and headed off to the right to go up to the Eagle Eye Shelter. 

Looking out over the view, the greens and blues vibrant and picturesque, I felt a sense of calm.  After taking some time alone, taking in the view, I started hiking again.  I continued on my way down Tower Trail to get to the Fire Tower.  Up on the tower was a view of Denver, looking so small and distant.  I continued along Tower Trail until connecting with the Old Ute Trail and made my way around that loop, enjoying the solitude I found on this trail.  For how busy and chaotic Colorado has seemed to get over recent years, it was nice to know that on a random Thursday morning the trails aren't completely packed, and for several stretches I found myself alone, surrounded by nothing but trees, the sounds of birds and bugs, fresh air.  I continued walking, discovering I still had the sense of excitement about trying to make my way to the ruins, one of the historic points of interest along the trail.  I went along the Meadow Trail and connected to Castle Trail, a smile on my face when the ruins came into view.

Reminded again of many days of adventuring with my family, I snapped more photos and enjoyed looking around.  After spending what time I needed around one of my favorite childhood places, I finished hiking along the Castle Trail to get back to the car.  The loop I went on was just a couple miles, but it was filled with solitude, lovely nostalgia, taking pictures, basking in the beautiful sun and views... And I made it back to Denver in time to pick up the dog from the dentist.  The total distance of trails they have in Mt Falcon Park is over 12 miles, so I hope to take more time jaunting around there in the hopefully near future on another random weekday. to enjoy more miles, more pictures, and more smiles.

Hanging Lake in Glenwood Springs

Back when I had made reservations for the Grand Canyon, I had also found a Groupon for a cost-effective overnight in Glenwood Springs.  Still eager to get downtime away from my demanding schedule and the busy city, we went for it.  I made arrangements just for one night, a quick jaunt to get away without having to take time off work.  As we neared the weekend, we decided that we didn't want to put too much pressure on ourselves for the weekend, but instead could take the opportunity to let the weekend unfold organically.  So we left late morning on Saturday the 24th, dropped the dog with family (thank you Jamie!!), and began the drive from Denver. 

Due to some infuriating traffic, we ended up having a bit of a delay from when we were able to get in.  No matter, we kept our cool with good music and conversation, and felt relieved when we arrived to our destination.  The Sunlight Lodge Bed & Breakfast is about 20-30 minutes south of the town-center of Glenwood Springs, tucked in near the Sunlight Mountain Ski Resort.  We were greeted warmly by Jason who manages the Lodge and were given a quick tour of the facility and then settled in.  Given the time we arrived and being tired, we decided just to lay low instead of trying to hike or do anything in particular.  In the basement of the B&B is the Lodge where they have a restaurant and pub, so we headed down.  We learned quickly that this is a locals hangout!  So with some beers and food, we enjoyed good company and some basketball.  It was a great little spot!  We had so much fun.  I would absolutely stay again!  The room wasn't glamorous but it sufficed, the Groupon was a great deal, the people were great, the food was good, the bed was comfortable enough, wifi was spotty at times but you know... that's not why we were there, ya know?  They had dogs in the bar, Chris got to watch the game, we got to chat with nice people... Sometimes just to belly up at the bar is really fun.  Overall, a beautiful stay, I look forward to finding myself up there again sometime.

The next morning we had a complimentary buffet breakfast and packed up.  We debated between going to the hot springs or hitting a trail.  After seeing a very full parking lot at the hot springs, we decided to head to Hanging Lake which is about 7 miles east of Glenwood Springs.  The website we looked at indicated that Hanging Lake was a hard hike during the summer months, but that the winter made it a difficult one.  With how warm the weather has been in Colorado recently, and with the Hanging Lake being a National Natural Landmark (one of only 14 in Colorado), we figured it would be worth it, and a toss-up as to the exact conditions of the trail...

We arrived around 10am, and we got one of the last few parking spots in the lot.  It's a fairly small lot, I think they do that on purpose to limit the amount of foot traffic to preserve the area (so my advice is to get there early if you want to do this one).  Knowing that the lake sits only a little over a mile up the trail, we packed relatively light to have water, trekking poles and a little food just in case.  About halfway up I was grateful for the trekking poles.  There was just enough snow on the ground, but it had been packed down by other hikers, warmed just enough by the sun to become slush, and cold enough to freeze over again.  There were portions of the trail that were completely dry particularly at the beginning, then it was a mix of mud, then slush, then ice, then mud, then ice... 

Cautious stepping was required for a good portion of the hike.  And it was steep with lots of switchbacks.  There are rocks and periodically you'll come across a bench if you need a rest.  There were portions of the hike when I felt like it was not so bad, and then others when I cursed my weight for being hard to lug up certain sections, getting passed by others and feeling like I couldn't keep up.  There was a specific point when Chris and I got to talking about how this kind of hiking is likely what we need as we prepare for the wedding in September.  The more we do this kind of hike, the easier they will get (right?), and the more our bodies will adapt (one can hope?).  I love the idea of thinking about how my body can slim down, getting svelte and finding more comfort in my body again.  As I put one foot in front of the other, my lungs burning at times, reminding me that while I've never had good lung capacity the 13 years of smoking didn't help (despite that I quite 5 years ago - go me!), I can't help but sift through my brain about what I can possibly do to get onto a better track with my health.  If only ice cream and chocolate can be part of my weight loss... I feel like I eat relatively healthy in general, but even so much as looking at a candy bar seems to add a little more jiggle to my sides.  Chris and I had talked about how we bounce between the healthy sides of ourselves and the "party" sides, moving between salads and portion control to chili fries, alcohol and sweets.  I want to get to a point where I have better balance, my waistline trimming, my muscles toning... Yet I feel I've been on this road to slim down for so long without much success.  To lose 30 pounds between now and the wedding seems a bit more than difficult...

Suddenly I looked up, and we were at the final push.  The path got steeper with hand-railing offering some support for the last leg.  It required channeling a bit of "billy-goat" in order to get up some of steep and jagged rocks, but once up them the lake appeared.

The water was a lovely, rich turquoise, the falls splattering melodically, the air crisp and fresh.

The entire setting seemed so picturesque! 

We then elected to go the extra bit up Spouting Rock just above the lake to see the waterfall that flows into Hanging Lake.  The short jaunt well worth it, and not difficult at all (especially compared to what we had just climbed up).  And while we were up there, we were the only people there.  We had this lovely waterfall to ourselves for a time. 

It was stunning.  I was even more grateful that we had hiked instead of going to the hot springs for a soak.  While I'm sure the hot springs could have been relaxing, there was something delightfully rewarding about getting to this lake and seeing the waterfall.

The hike down was easier, several times being able to use some of the ice to rather "skate" down, trekking poles providing balance.  We passed many more people starting to make their way up as we were coming down, and we kindly provided insight when asked of what they should expect and distances still to go, while also offering encouragement as to what was in store for them if they make it to the lake.  It was nice to be able to give such assurance to others.

We got back to the car, many cars circling the lot in hopes of getting into a parking spot.  Part of me felt badly, I hate being rushed but also know they are hopeful to get in to see this wonderful thing... I had to remind myself that I don't owe them anything, someone will get our parking spot and will hopefully enjoy the hike.  Regardless, it was nice to be back to the car around noon to begin the drive back to Denver, arriving back with still enough time to get ready for the next week.  Not a bad way to spend 24-hours to get away for a bit.

Grand Canyon February 2018

I was sad to realize that, while I had good intentions in 2017 of hiking more and spending time outdoors, aside from one camping trip for the 4th of July which didn't include much in the way of hikes, 2017 was spent busy with various other things.  As I work hard to complete my master's degree, I am stuck oscillating between demanding obligations, my life getting turned upside down to accommodate what is required for the final phase of this program, and daydreaming over what I want to experience.  My hiking boots came out minimally in 2017, my blog collecting dust at my lack of outdoor engagement all year.  I hope this changes in 2018.

Sitting in my living room one night earlier this year, I realized that I was feeling irritated all the time, unsettled and uneasy. I hadn't been sleeping much, felt a lot of stress regularly, and without tolerance or capacity for much outside of my small bubble.  I was feeling disconnected.  I looked at my fiance, a wave of sadness coming over me that I am feeling disconnected even from the person I share my life with!  I knew something was needed, and he started talking about how we needed to get out of town.  So began the Groupon and Google searching for getaway deals that could get us out of town and in nature for a bit.  As I searched, the Grand Canyon came to mind.  The drive can be done in a day, my fiance has never been and the only time I have gone was a short stop to take a couple pictures and leave.  Because February is still the off season, I was able to find some cheap deals including the Maswik Lodge for only $70 a night that sits in close proximity to the South Rim of the Canyon (the North Rim still being closed this time of year).  I booked it for three nights, not really giving Chris the opportunity to voice his opinion on it, I basically just told him we're going! 

I knew we had only really one opportunity on the calendar where we had room enough in our schedules to make it work, the last weekend in February was it.  My academia getting more intense with my capstone paper and presentation prep and gearing up for licensing exams.  It will be May before I can really have space in my schedule again to accommodate much for getaways.  We started the drive on Friday February 23rd, leaving Denver early morning in effort to arrive to the lodge in time for dinner.  During the drive we enjoyed music and conversation, the connection time being good for us.  I made big efforts to avoid talking too much about grad school, final assignments, the studying I still have to get to.  We kept wedding discussions limited.  This was time for just us.

I drove the first leg, driving through the very snowy Wolf Creek Pass since I-70 westbound was closed for getting out of Denver that weekend.  Initially in our drive I had done well to shave some time, but this pass caused us to add time because of the need to take it slower.  I was surprised how well my little Toyota Corolla did.  We knew we would be passing through winter weather at some point during the trek, but boy I was glad to get to the other side of it.  We swapped places when we needed to gas up.  We had loaded up a cooler with snacks and lunch options before leaving, the idea being to limit how much we ate out during the four day trip, which resulted in me making deli sandwiches for us while he drove which was a humorous feat - as the car bounced and pickle juice, crumbs and mayo got all over me, it was hard not to laugh, but we were determined to make as few stops as we could.  As we grew closer to the lodge, some winter weather greeting us again, we followed the GPS instructions, unaware of road closures ahead as we were heading toward the North Rim area of the Canyon.  We got flagged down by a caravan of other drivers heading in the other direction who told us that the road ahead was closed, a sense of defeat coming over us as we sat 45 minutes from where a bed awaited us, tired from 10 hours of driving.  We called the lodge and they confirmed that getting into the Canyon from the north was impossible and that we would have to drive to Flagstaff, 60 miles away from where we were, and then connect with a different route that would cause us to overshoot the Canyon and come up from the south to get there.  This excursion would add 3 more hours to our drive.  With no other choice, we made our way to Flagstaff, making note that any future road trips will also come with us checking road closures more deliberately before leaving.  We stopped for dinner in Flagstaff at Lumberyard Brewing Co, the taste of beer and fried mac-n-cheese bites being a welcomed treat to fortify us for the final leg.  It was 11pm before we were checking into the lodge.  (A quick warning to anyone looking to stay at one of these lodges down near the Canyon, signage is pretty poor throughout this little "Village Loop" so it was a bit difficult to find where we needed to go especially when it was so dark out.)

The next morning we took the morning slow, going to the cafeteria at the Maswik for breakfast.  Chris had read reviews that the food at the lodge was awful, but honestly it was about what I'd expect from cafeteria food.  It certainly wasn't fine dining, but it was edible and that was about what we needed.  We determined the plan for the day to walk along the South Rim Trail and see if we were up for hiking down into the Canyon since the Bright Angel trailhead was close by.  It was a lovely surprise to discover that our lodge was literally just a couple minutes walk up from the canyon.

We walked along the South Rim Trail starting at the Bright Angel trailhead and walked a total of 14 miles that day, looking out over the Canyon in wonderment, enjoying conversation as we walked.  We saw blue birds and ravens, the further away from the bus stops we ended up passing some deer and more wildlife that was willing to come out in the lesser populated areas.  It was amusing when we would come up on one of the stops along the bus route where tourists were grouped together getting their selfies and groupies and jumping photos to throw up on social medias.  Not dissimilar to my first time at the Canyon almost ten years ago, they weren't necessarily there to hike or experience the Canyon but to get the photos saying they were there and then go hang out in the lodge and collect souvenirs from the little gift shops.  I've always loved people watching, unique attire including bejeweled heels and pajama pants with wooden clogs made their appearance at the Canyon.  Despite it being the off-season and still winter there were a surprising amount of people there, though we were among the few actually determined to hike.  After our long day of walking this lovely, accessible, mostly paved trail, we ended with dinner at one of the restaurants in one of the lodges in the "Village Loop" that was at the Bright Angel Lodge, grateful to be sitting with the promise of food on the way.  Chris looked at me with a smile, noting that since we had 30,000 steps behind us, we could truly eat whatever we wanted and not have to feel guilty about it.  He ordered a beer and I got a glass of wine and we ordered soup to help us warm up, two pasta dishes to share, and bread pudding for dessert.  The quality of the food at this lodge restaurant far excelled in comparison to the cafeteria at our lodge, and the server was a sweet woman with a southern drawl who was very supportive in our food and beverage selections.  It was delightful.

We went back to the room and I think I got the best nights sleep I've had in a long time, my legs and abs sore, my camera full of shots from the Canyon, my future husband next to me.  We set the alarm for early enough to catch the sunrise over the Canyon that, while a very brisk morning, was stunning.

We got a little breakfast at the cafeteria again and brought books with us for a little reading and relaxation, no pressure to really get moving that morning since we had accomplished a lot of site seeing on Saturday.  We did agree that it would be great to try hiking down into the Canyon some, Chris having been eyeballing the trail while we were walking the South Rim, trying to discern about how long it would take and if there would be a way to get far enough to see the river.  With the Bright Angel Trailhead being so close we decided it was worth it to hike even if just a couple miles down.

 It was a great hike, not too intense when compared to some of the trails we've been on in Colorado.  There were switchbacks but they didn't seem too steep.  There was some snow and mud so I was glad to have trekking poles with us, though we quickly recognized the need for upgrading our trekking poles in the future, one of them actually breaking in half during the hike.  It was clear that folks had thought through when toilets might be needed along this trail since there really isn't a good private place to stop off when one might need to, because sure enough there are rest houses going down, and they managed to appear right around when they were needed.  So we stopped at the First House which is about 1.5 miles down, took care of business, snapped a couple photos, then continued the hike down stopping at the 3 Mile House for a lunch of deli sandwiches and trailmix, then hiked back up.  The switchbacks heading back up seemed a little more aggressive than when we had gone down, but were still not too bad overall.  Chris' pedometer logged that we went an equivalent of almost 80 flights of stairs according to the steepness of our hike, totaling a little over 6 miles roundtrip.  We stopped again at the lodge restaurant we had gone to the day before, this time hitting them near the end of their lunch hours.  The turkey burger (definitely a frozen patty reheated and thrown on a bun) wasn't nearly as fulfilling as the pasta dish from the night before, but we were still grateful for the meal.  I couldn't help but again feeling a bit amused looking around the room at those who were dining, many of which didn't look like they had even been outside that day.  I couldn't help but being proud of myself for the hiking we had done over two days. 

The next day we drove back, I-70 being opened again so we went up through Moab, discussing future roadtrips, ideas of camping down in the Grand Canyon the next trip down, how a jaunt back to Moab has been well overdue and how great it would be to explore more that is relatively close to us.  Getting the break away was a breath of fresh air, opened new and deeper conversations than we had been sharing recently, allowing stresses to take a breather.  I'm so grateful for the time away.